Making It Harder
by robert3A-SN
Summary: Post "End Of The World": Ann has a talk with Ben over his most recent efforts to avoid Leslie, and finds out just how hard it has been for him.


**Spoilers for Episode 4x06 "End Of The World"**

It was probably Ben's own fault for thinking that he'd have a peaceful morning with Andy and April gone to the Grand Canyon. But he had already survived an early morning visit from Leslie – despite what a mixed blessing it was – so getting another surprise visit from Ann didn't seem like much of a problem. Yet it was even more confusing why she was here at first, if that was possible.

"So I wanted to apologize on behalf of Leslie, if I'm not too late," Ann explained once she settled in and had a laugh over why Andy and April weren't here. But considering the sensitive topic of the conversation, Ben was temporarily relieved at his roommates' stupid impulses this time.

"Well, she kind of beat you to it a while back, but thank you," Ben said to fill Ann in.

"Oh, good. She was depressed when she got back from your little drive last night, but I'm glad she came to her senses. I don't know if you got through to her or Ron did…..all she told me about your talk last night was that you didn't want to hang out anymore."

Now Ben feared that he hadn't really escaped an uneasy, volatile situation after all; but had only imagined it with the wrong woman. "I can see how that painted….quite a picture. So this visit is to apologize to me and yell at me all at once?"

"That was tempting, I'll admit," Ann answered. "I do understand why you want to keep your distance….you just could have been more tactful about it, that's all. I know Leslie wasn't the queen of tact last night, but that was just because she missed you….underneath all the crazy and the Shauna bashing."

"And it wasn't hard for me, is that what you think?" Ben asked now that he was more willing to get into this – or to stop Ann from talking about how much Leslie missed him.

"Of course not! I just don't want you to do too good a job of hiding it, for Leslie's sake. You don't have to hang out with her, but you don't have to be too mean in ignoring her. Or shut out any hope that you could get back together someday."

"She just told me 20 minutes ago that 'the romantic part of our relationship is over.' So I think it's plenty shut on its own without me," Ben said without trying to snap. He already had to be angrier than he wanted to be once in the last several hours. "At least she's trying to accept her choice now too."

Ben figured out those were the wrong words when Ann went into her "Death glare because someone attacked Leslie" face. "Um, I seem to recall hearing that you're the one that broke up with her before she did. Granted, she made the choice to do it before then, but you're the one that finally said it! So don't put this all on her, okay? She didn't want to do it and I wish I didn't have to encourage her to!"

Now Ann figured out she used the wrong words, even before Ben made a face that she couldn't name, yet still had some betrayal in it. "You encouraged her to break up with me? I thought you liked us being together….you even made her unsexy road trip CD sexy for us."

"I remember, all right? But since you guys couldn't sneak around anymore, I wanted her to do it quick so you wouldn't be strung along! She's the one who did it for a few more weeks!" Ann stopped herself once she realized she was attacking Leslie now, remembering that Ben was the target.

"Anyway, why is it on her and me again? You could have gotten this settled before she even ran by coming clean with Chris! You had to know that if he fired you guys, none of us would be back at City Hall until he let you back in! Or better yet, you could have just quit your job and made sure it wasn't a scandal to begin with! I know you can't possibly like your work more than Leslie, not after all those Bambi eyes you made at her since you got here! So why should she have had to give up her dreams and work when you probably should have done it?"

"Don't you think I've asked that too many times already?" Ben finally snapped. Ann had run out of attacks anyway, so now she had another excuse to stay quiet for a while as Ben got out his own little speech.

"Do you know how many times I wrote out a letter of resignation to Chris before Lil' Sebastian's funeral? I lost count after five, so I guess I don't remember….but still! But do you know when I started to write about resigning the first time? About 20 minutes after Chris told me about his damned rule."

Ann now had a few possible things to say to that, but she wasn't sure how many of them would sound good. Ben sensed that too and went on for her. "Yeah, I know that makes me sound like a crazy, obsessed stalker…..wanting to quit a job I only had for a few days for someone I hadn't even started dating yet. That's how nuts I was for Leslie even then. And that's why I have to hide my insanity more than ever now!"

"It's too late for me to resign, cause then it'll be more obvious that I did it for Leslie and then the press will crush her. You saw what they did when they found out she wasn't born here! And fending off a drunk, horny Joan can work for only so long!" Ann was starting to lose Ben there, yet she was kind of relieved that she didn't get that last part any better. But Ben thankfully went on to stuff that didn't involve a drunk, horny Joan.

"If I'm near Leslie even now, even for a few extra minutes….I'll probably wind up kissing her or resigning in protest. Or I'll wind up resigning just to get away from her tempting me. All of those things would wind up wrecking her in some way. Even if I pick the options where we can get back together, how long do you think it'd last after we got exposed and I killed Leslie's career? I don't think the next break up could be smoothed over with a campaign button this time."

Hearing about the campaign button was the best example of how Ann regretted encouraging their break up – at least until now.

"I have to go cold turkey, Ann, at least for a while longer. And I….I have to find reasons to stay in Pawnee that aren't about her. Tom's helped me so far, but now that Entertainment 720 finally collapsed, I don't know what kind of a distraction he'd be now. Andy and April have their own little world that occasionally includes not telling me stuff. Chris is the first reason I'm in this mess, Ron's not an option, you have Leslie to look after since I can't do it, and Jerry's…..well, Jerry!"

"Well...hey, you just bashed Jerry blindly for no real reason! That's got to be a sign that you're a real Pawnee guy now, and that had nothing to do with Leslie! Just one of her co-workers," Ann tried to encourage.

"That is a good sign….but Jerry bashing can only go so far, even here. I've got to be my own person, and not a crazy Leslie stalker that has nothing else going for him. I've been that for months and look where it got me, so maybe another routine will do me some good. At least until I can see her again without wanting to end my career for her…..and make her's collateral damage. Can you understand that?"

Ann was the only person in the world that Ben could get all this out to other than Leslie – so her understanding was kind of a big deal to Ben. "I do, Ben," Ann said to relieve him. "I guess I see why you couldn't say that to Leslie instead. Heck, I bet you've been keeping that to yourself from the beginning."

"It's not like Marlene Knope, Ron Swanson or Andy Dwyer were better options," Ben semi-quipped. "Plus you have a full-time job keeping Leslie focused. I owe you way too much for that to bother you….like I've been doing for the last 10 minutes."

"Well, I asked for it since I came here on my break," Ann answered. "It sounded unnecessary when you said she already apologized, but I guess I was wrong."

"Yeah….I don't feel completely better for getting that all out. But it's better than nothing," Ben conceded. "I mean, I still have to keep my distance from her, and now I know she's given up on me just like I'm trying to do."

"Hey, anyone with that kind of crazy last night isn't going to stay sane forever," Ann assured. "That's what makes my job so hard sometimes. But if I can't do it any better next time and it triggers your insanity….you can come to me and I'll try to handle it. Maybe I can't always do that for Leslie, and maybe your craziness is just as bad, only quieter. But if it helps you figure out you have other reasons to stay here, I'll give it a shot."

"Well….that was certainly a good start," Ben admitted with his first tiny smile of the conversation. "I'll keep that in mind next time….and I'll try to avoid Leslie a little nicer, too."

In the back of his mind, he knew that now that they had their first confrontation since the breakup, it wouldn't be easy to avoid her anymore – no matter what they had both declared. And in the heat of the moment and with all of Ben's conflicted feelings, he probably wouldn't remember to check up with Ann right away. After all, he was the same man who didn't send Chris at least five letters of resignation – and was too busy making campaign buttons to take one more shot at resigning before Leslie announced her candidacy.

But leaving his job for love, and admitting to anyone else that he was that obsessed even from the start, wasn't an option anymore. It was indeed time for Ben to go on his own independent journey while Leslie went on hers. Or at the least, it was time to go on these journeys without running into each other as much….if that was possible anymore after last night.

Part of that journey would have to include new interests, new reasons to fall in love with the town that was partly keeping her from being with his other love, and strengthening other friendships. Maybe strengthening one with Leslie's best friend wouldn't help forge a complete break from Leslie; yet it was nice to know that someone else could fully understand him.

"Okay, I guess I should get back to work. And you probably want to clean up before Andy and April come back and foil you," Ann offered.

"It will be nice to see the living room floor for at least a couple of hours. I guess I'm really living the dream," Ben joked before returning right back to serious mode. "You won't tell Leslie everything about how you spent your break, right?"

"Once she tells me about her visit here, I probably won't get a word in, so you should be safe," Ann promised. "I hope you feel safe for a while longer, Ben."

Ben did too. He didn't know if yelling out today what he really wanted to yell out to Leslie last night had made it harder or easier to go cold turkey. What he wound up saying and what Leslie did say this morning still cast a bit of a shadow.

Yet if this was going to work against all odds, he needed a few bright spots to get him through. This would do for today's bright spot – along with the reassurance that he really had left Leslie in good hands. Granted, Ann's hands had a two-year head start on Ben's from the start, but the sentiment was still valid. And much appreciated.

Almost as appreciated as the fact that he did have at least 30 hours to make the house clean again, before Andy and April wrecked it up again in one.

Still, those small victories would do while the big ones remained out of reach….for at least another week.


End file.
